Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
