he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
