Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
