yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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