I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
