Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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