She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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