Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
