I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize