Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
