i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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