Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
