he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
