i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
