I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
