I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I love you.
Bad choice
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
