my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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