can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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