Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
