no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My bed smells like the plague
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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