They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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