I faked an abortion last night.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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