Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
