i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
These tits shall not be calmed
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