Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
