direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
