just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize