had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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