she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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