dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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