im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize