Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
