i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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