im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
