my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
