I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
