dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
