i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
