some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
