I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
