i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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