Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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