omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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