haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
