I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
