I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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