Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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