Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just had sex bonerless
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
