I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
