I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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