Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize