Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
