i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
