Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
