it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
