I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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