Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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