After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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