yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
