KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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