"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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