"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the day after is always just damage control
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
