ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
