I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize