I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize