i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
