Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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