when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize