sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
