Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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