we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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