my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
