Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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