Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
