were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
