and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
