He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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