No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
