if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize