Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
