so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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