so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
