Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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