he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
