Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
