She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
