First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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