He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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