maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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