Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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