He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize