I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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