the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
