I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
