I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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