she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
