You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize