I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize