So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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